my acquaintances.

this goes out to the sandwich artist i know.
this goes out to the white boy with the Mexican swag.
this goes out to the girl that i just met that is quite frankly the coolest.
this goes out to the metro with the great facial hair i recently befriended.
this goes out to the cute boy with the soft hair.
and finally this goes out to the tall skinny fragile boy whom i've come to adore.


thank you for being my friends.
also kudos to you for keeping me this long.


sincerely,
madeline louise

someday.

someday i will leave here. (here-adv: In, at, or to this place or position.) i am not sure when yet but it will be soon. maybe not tomorrow or the next day but maybe next week or over the summer or when i die or when even i least expect it. but you will know when i am about to depart. yes, you will know. but you will not know that you cannot stop me. please, also, do not try to stop me. nothing will hold me back and nothing will tie me down i have no restrictions. (restrictions-noun: The limitation or control of someone or something, the state of being limited or restricted) none. not even you.


sincerely but not for always,
madeline louise

somewhere.

i want to go somewhere where it doesn't matter that i know that i can make my hurting go away; somewhere i won't be tempted to use my knowledge. 

sincerely,

madeline louise.

madeline's death experience

madeline's death experience

symptoms:

• rash
• sore body
• tiredness
• headache
• cramps
• (constant) bathroom breaks

DAY ONE:

i woke up this morning (approximately 2 a.m.) with cramps and a very large headache. i went to the bathroom. i was there for a while; i ended up just sleeping in there (when i could sleep in between my many a bathroom breaks). i have put together a hypothesis on what. i believe, is going to happen over the course of this illness.

STAGES:

1. rashes will appear

2. when using the bathroom i will begin to lose everything in my system (including stomach content, vital organs, etc.)

3. my sore body will be the result of my  body (slowly) withering away.

4. i will become nothing more than an empty skin suit. like something you see in a syfy dr.who-stargate type show.

1-4. during this whole process i will have head-aches that will eat away at my brain.

i have prepared myself for this journey mentally and physically. 

may the lord have mercy on me,

madeline louise

simple words.

speak these words to me? 

boys. boys. boys. this is for you.

This is about boys. How some are stupid and some are wonderful. But some are so stupid they become wonderful. Or the ones who are the dumb but you want them to love you just so you can say no because they have obviously never been rejected by anyone. and then there are the boys who just leave you pondering. Pondering about life, and love, and your view on things/ everything. The boys who make you grin. This post is to all the magic boys who have the power to make one love him at any given moment; to the ones who can smile and just melt your heart...

This is to the boys with beards.

to be flawed.

for the past five years i have believed myself to be flawed. flawed in ways, at first, i could not find but as i grew older and more observant, i found them hiding and lurking waiting for the perfect time to strike me down. until last year they were doing well at hiding, but last year my flaws attacked me both emotionally and physically. but now i am coming to terms with my flaws and realizing that those were only my flaws because people tortured me until i myself believed they were my flaws. But now i know they are just what makes me different than everyone else here and knowing that i am different keeps me going. 
1. i swear
2. i was raised up under a different mind set
3. i am not afraid to speak my mind
and last but certainly not least 5. i am NOT scared of the real world
Sometimes knowing this about myself scares me and makes me do things that i regret the next day or eventually regret or sometimes do things that are helpful but i want to teach myself that just because one has a different set of rules and beliefs that does not mean they are an outcast to their friends, peers, or their loved ones even if they think you are wrong.


DON'T BE AFRAID TO TEACH YOURSELF,
madeline louise