Isaac Russell

Isaac Russell. 

beautiful.

lighthouse.

dancing through the decades.

last night i attended a dance party of total epicness. It was so much fun.. so much it was indescribable really. There were fast songs and slow songs and songs from all decades (oh yes i forgot to mention it was a dance through the decades.. you dressed in your favorite decade.. for example i dressed up as the hippie, the 70's of course.. and all the music was from different decades and it was wonderful). it was perfect.

During this dance i turned to my dearest friends morgan and daniel and told them how much i want a boy.. and they looked at me wierd so i had to explain myself. I told them how i want a boy that i can dance and i want a boy that i can bring to things like this and he would appreciate it for all it is worth and how i just want a boy. In that instant i knew they knew what i was talking about.  
Also always remember to dance.. it doesn't matter how you dance.. just dance. thank you.


DANCE YOUR BRAINS OUT.. IT'S GOOD FOR YOU,
madeline louise


p.s. i would like to state that even though i didn't have a boy.. i didn't let that ruin the party.. at all.. why would i! :)

dear god.

dear god,

are you there? 

sincerely,

madeline

the hurdles.

i want to be able to put words on paper and have people read them and look and me and have to say nothing because they can express it all with their eyes but i cannot because all my words have no happiness in them. they are sad weak words that cannot even back themselves up. you can try and read really deeply into it and find some glimmer of happiness but it is hard and i regret to inform you that sometimes that is how i intend them to be. we look at things and we see the beauty and we see the potential but every now and then someone needs to point out that their are bad things in this world. people, people die and there is nothing we can do about it.. we can maybe treat them for a few years and give them the gift of seeing a loved ones wedding or greeting a new one into the world but then it is rip away from them and it cruel.. the world is cruel and i am sorry if you dont agree with me i just need a moment to vent and if this has upset you thus far i suggest reading no further. also out there in this world we "live" in there are things that we cannot fix, no matter how much we want too and i am not just talking about the obvious things like global warming and all the homeless and less fortunate people.. i am talking about the deeper things that are a little less important then the things i previously listed but things that are still important none the less. things like emotions and fears and things that are not brought up in normal conversation because people dont care or because people are like me and they are scared, physically scared that if they bring up anything of the sort that they will be judged or shunned or anything of the sort. isnt it lame that human beings can make other human beings feel this way? maybe they  feel this because it has happened to them or maybe because they are now scared that there is a big chance it may happen to them. but those small things are just as important as the bigger things. my dear friend once said, "this is a grotesque world; we are born and we watch people die then we die ourselves." and that is the phrase that i leave you with...

just think,
madeline louise

the song of myself.

I want to celebrate myself with confidence and strength,

But I am the one who is being pointed at in the corner.

I see what I see,

Even though I desperately hope I won’t.

I feel what I feel,

Even though I wish I  didn't.

I hear what I hear even though it isn’t what I need.

I think the way I think,

Even though you think it is wrong.

boys

a boy? ah yes i will take one over here please!

i am that girl

i am the kind of girl that smiles when he goes out of his way to see you in the hall.
i am the kind of girl that teaches herself to longboard just to impress.
i am the kind of girl that protects her friends.
i am the kind of girl that likes to be different and stand out.
i am the kind of girl that loves when her friends are around.
i am the kind of girl that would do anything for family.
i am the kind of girl that knows the importance of expression.
i am the kind of girl that doesnt always know what to believe.
i am the kind of girl that defends herself when she is under attack.
and i am the kind of girl that just wants to survive...

typical Tuesday.

what has been the favorite part of my week you ask? oh well let me fill you in. 
before i start the story let me lay the scene....
it is late fall and i had just gotten dropped off at school... before i enter the building i put my headphones in and play my Burberry playlist. i walk into the school and i see a group of girls to my right and they point to me and i make direct eye contact. so i slyly turn off my music (honestly who wouldnt because they are obviously about to say something about me) and i listen carefully to their conversation and it goes like this, "no one likes that girl.. she is an atheist." after hearing this i rapidly turn my music up really loud in fear of what i might hear them say next and continue on my way to my locker..

home.

someone take me home.. please?


WITH CONFIDENCE,
madeline louise

the farewell that made me feel.

this morning i went to alex ross's farewell and all was normal until he gave his talk.. because at that point it got better. his talk was so moving because you could tell by his eyes that he meant, with all his heart, everything he was saying. it was the sweetest thing. when i got home i tried to describe how lovely it was to my family but i just couldnt put it in words. then i asked myself, "why?" "why did that speech make me feel like i was supposed to cry?". and the answer is... i dont know. i mean it didnt touch me deep down or anything but i think it was just how sincere he was. alex could of been saying anything else and meant it but not as much as he meant this. he really really felt what he was saying. it was beautiful i guess.. just beautiful..


HERE'S TO UNEXPECTED FEELINGS,
madeline louise

jake bugg.

i am completely in love with jake bugg.
this song is so lovely.
he moves his mouth in ways that make me smile.
i wish i was one of his mates that hung out in that field with him.
i love jake bugg.
i sincerely hope you are as in love with this song and boy as i am when you finish watching it.
but just know going into it that i already called dibs on mr. bugg..
oh and you cant have johnny flynn either.
E has dibs on him.
sorry.

the poem that changed everything.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
----
Once on a piece of paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that is what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and he asked him to write it more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new wet paint
----
once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "innocence: a question"
because that was the question about his girl
and thats what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
----
that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tired another poem
and he called it "absolutely nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didnt think 
he could reach the kitchen.

the big 18.

daniel allenbach turned the big 18 today.. which believe it or not is a big stepping stone in his life! so to celebrate this momentous occasion this is what we did:


1.) during lunch we went to addy baird's car, which was out in the ruins of the american fork high school parking lot, and we opened all her doors and played the best music ever and we had a mini dance party in the oh so vacant parking lot during lunch. 


2.) after school we took our dear daniel to get some delicious thai food. it was sooo unbelievably good. addy got the yellow curry, daniel got cashew chicken and vegetables, morgan, who had never had thai food before, got the to-die-for peanut curry, and i got the pad thai! now is that a good meal or what. we all shared our lovely food, of course i ate around the meat cause vegetarians dont eat meat.. i know crazy right?!


3.) addy had to go pick up millie and take her to gymnastics so we continued our birthday adventures without her :( daniel morgan and i hoped into morgans rad gold minivan and drove away to our next destination which happened to be dippidees. i had never been so it was a learning experience for. the cupcakes were to die for except i am pretty sure i cannot eat for another week cause of this nasty big cupcake. but you couldnt stop eating cause they have hypnotizing powers which make it impossible to stop. daniel and morgan had to feed me my last bite. "no biggie." if you read that and giggled allowed.. i was not lying..


4.) next we took daniel home. aw man. only he never got out of the car for another hour or so.. we enjoyed talking. i love talking. morgan loves talking. daniel loves talking. huh what a coincidence. daniel did get out of the car once to go get his very nice neighbor a cup (as in the measurement we use in america) of milk so she could make her cupcakes.. oh the very sound of the word makes me cringe. after we had concluded every topic we were talking about we sent daniel away into the care of his family to have even more birthday adventures! 


and these are the four major steps to having fun with your best friend on his birthday. ENJOY!!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL ALLENBACH,
madeline louise 

emotions vomit.

10 things that cause me stress..

1.) school.

2.) socializing.

3.) the absence of my sister.

4.) my physical fitness.

5.) utah.

6.) physics.

7.) the male species.

8.) life.

9.) fear.

10.) and stress itself!

----------

10 things that make me happy..

1.) the friends i have made.

2.) coffee.

3.) my family.

4.) swimming (being peacefully submerged underwater).

5.) music.

6.) an upcoming dinner party!

7.) reading.

8.) talking.

9.) louder music.

10.) and finally it makes me happy when i feel happy.

FOREVER YOURS OR UNTIL YOU LEAVE,

madeline louise

in need of an adventure.

i cannot think of anything significant to write about... nothing happened in school today, i did not solve world hunger, i did not stop the war which also means i did not create world peace, i did not jump off a bridge, i did not find homes for all children... wow i am a failure. that list took a turn for the worse and ended up being a list of all the things i did not do today. i am such a slacker. i should really get on that.


THINKING OF GOING ON AN ADVENTURE,
madeline louise


p.s. i would like to say hello to a certain someone who is not a follower of my blog but reads it anyways. you know who you are. :)

eskimo kisses

the sweetest of all kisses,


madeline louise

the day vs me.

   today i was confronted by a boy with a ring he received from seminary. and before i had time to process anything he gives me the ring as he says, "My friends told me you should have this." and he walks away rather rapidly. i am pretty sure it was to avoid confrontation with me but let me tell you i didnt know what to think after i was given this ring with the word trust on it and a verse from the bible. now looking back on the situation i know that if i was thinking right, which i was glad i wasnt, i would of hit him in the face. but all i could see was red then all i could feel was my face heating but and my eyes beginning to water. but i was NOT about to let myself cry especially not in front of people but i mean lets face it, that is all i wanted to do. 
   all of my emotions hit me at once. first i was so confused then i was full of blinding anger. but then i felt like i just needed someone to cry on and realized that i didnt know where to go to at that point. in that split second i had all these names running through my head but i didnt want any of them to see me cry that just isnt who i am, i dont like to show my weakness. and it made me wonder if i am really that afraid to let people see my emotions and know what i have been through or if i just need to put myself out there so people know all that there is to know about me.. i feel a little confused and deranged at the moment and just cant really focus on anything except feeling like i need to be doing something. i need to find something or somebody so i have someone to talk to when i just need a friend. and i feel like i have those people but what if it doesnt work and they dont accept who i am. 
   but i also feel as though me and long lasting friendships dont work. i had one for a while and it was perfect, well it had its flaws but what friendship doesnt. but then i blew up in my face and i had to start again from nothing. and i just need to find some ground or something solid to pull myself back up with and maybe just maybe i can feel like i am at ease and at peace and at home because i want that feeling back.. 


CALM, HAPPY, READY,
madeline louise


p.s. sorry for the dr. phil blog post.

stalking.

When you're happy, I'll be thereWaiting for you to laugh
Waiting for me to have
When you're happy, I'll be whereWaiting for you to smile
Waiting for you, love

When you're sad, I'll still be there
Waiting for you to cry
Waiting for you to pass by

When you're sad, I'll still be fair
Waiting for you to smile
Waiting for you, love

When you're angry, I'll always be there
Waiting for you to scowl
Waiting for you to howl

When you're angry, I'll always be where
Waiting for you to smile
Waiting for you, love

When you feel anything, I'll be there
Because I am your stalker.

stalking.
i will say that me and my friends, whom i adore are rather good at it.
we know the ways and normal hang outs of all of our targets and tend to pass them frequently.
now if you do not know who we are then you are reading this post and have a very concerned look on your face and we mean no harm neither do we inflict harm on our targets; wow i really need another word besides target.. that makes it sound like they are on our hit list or something, which we dont have.
anyways back to my previous topic. i am slightly unaware of why i am telling you all this.
but i think i message i am going for is just to let my, stalking, buddies know that they are greatly appreciated in my life, you know who you are!


THANK YOU,
madeline louise


p.s. one of our operations has been blown.. if you have any tips on how to better improve our stalking abilities please we would love to hear your ideas :)

homecoming.

today is homecoming and i am going with my very best friend daniel. i am rather excited.
for our date we are going to an art museum then we are going to dinner up in salt lake.. then later that night we are going to party it up!  :)


BOOM BOOM,
madeline louise 

male specimans.

oh how i adore the male species but sometime they are stupid. 
sometimes i think life would be easier if i were a lesbian; it might just solve my problems.
but oh how i would miss men and all the attractiveness they have to offer.
so me becoming a lesbian is never going to be an option. sorry ladies! :) 


ODE TO THE DAYS,
madeline louise.

me.

oh today.

today was an unique day.

it was a good day.

but it was a bad day as well.

here is how it went down:

it started out fine.

until i hit my friends (joshua) broken toe in the hall with my foot.

i felt really bad.

then i went to math which was well.. just another day in math.

used a shortcut on my way to journalism that let me avoid the birth canal.. thank god.

then i got to journalism and it was a blast like always which made me leave the class with a smile.

i was smiling all the way to ancient world history until i got pushed and shoved through the birth canal.

i finally got into class and sat down then attwood split us into groups and we read stories from the epic of gilgamesh and summarized them. (i now know i know none of the stories from the book of mormon)

next was lunch! YAY! 

it was fun like it always is. met a kid named taylor gunther (lovely and attractive), talked with addy and morgan (very nice), and kissed miles farnsworths hand.

then i was off to drawing. 

the girl i usually sit by wasnt there today so i was by myself. 

and then a kid who doesnt speak english AT ALL transferred into my class. i felt so bad.. he didnt understand anything :(

then when class was over i stayed and talked with addy morgan and daniel for a while. it was very lovely.

then a group of idiot baseball players started saying some mean stuff about my friend. and guess what? i heard it. yeah like i was going to let them get away with it. 

so i marched right over and gave them i very stern talking to and if they do it again (which i am certain they wont) they know what is in store for them. idiots.

well that was my day i hope you enjoyed.

UNTIL I WAS FORCED TO LEAVE HER,

madeline louise

September 7th

    The Homecoming Dance is a formal or informal event, either at the school or an off-campus location. The venue is decorated, and either a disc jockey or band is hired to play music. In many ways, it is a fall prom. Homecoming dances could be informal as well just like standard school dances. At high schools, the homecoming dances are sometimes held in the high school gymnasium or outside in a large field.

i now understand the appeal of school dances. this definition did not help me reach my eureka but something else did. i would love, now, to tell you what that was. last night my dear friend texted me and said, 

"has (insert other friend's name here) been asked to the dance yet?"

"no. no she has not."

"do you know if she wants to go?"

"i am sure she would love to go. and i am sure she would be thrilled if you asked her."

"i hope so!!"

this said friend that was asking my other friend to homecoming was so ecstatic over the idea of just asking someone and going to a dance with a girl whom he likes hanging out with. Knowing that made me happy on the inside and it also made me appreciate the idea of school dances more than i did, which is impressive because i thought the idea of them was more stupid than politics math to a monkey! 

*light bulb* i have come to the realization that they are just a way to have fun with the people you like and enjoy spending time with!

HMM WELL THAT HAS OPENED MY EYES,

madeline louise

oh the many lessons i learn in one day..


1.) love is well.. lovely.



2.) i love messy hair not only on me but other people as well so i say to you.. embrace messy hair.



3.) i truly honestly enjoy dancing, and now you are thinking to yourself 'does she really know how to dance?' and in response to that i would say... NO. but if i were to rephrase that i would say.. i do enjoy looking ridiculous and rhythmically moving with the beat at the same time. :)


4.) i need to pay back addy for the coffee she purchased for me.



5.) and my final thing is.. be yourself all the time cause it usually results in very rewarding result. and if you do not believe me it is alright a few weeks ago i would not of believe myself either. but now and i say it with full confidence and bid that you follow me through my journey to find myself.




DO NOT FOLLOW THE CROWD; BE YOUR OWN CROWD,
madeline louise

welcome back.. to me :)

dear world,
have you noticed how you are not perfect? No? well i have.. maybe we can work on that? 
thank you,
madeline 


      so guess who has started high school? yes that would be all sophomores but who cares about all of them when i can tell you about my experience.
the first few days were awful, i mean indescribably awful. But somehow they seemed to have turned around a wee bit. I have made new friends, had fun in classes, and fallen in love.
oops! did i just say that out loud. yes, yes i did. and guess what.. it is TRUE! i have fallen head over heels in love. with who you may be asking? oh come on, like i am going to tell you! :)
let us just say he is sweet cute a total gentlemen and perfect :)
i have revealed to much already. so i think it is time for a new topic.
During my sophomore year i have made many goals to myself. one of them being to write more on my blog. which i intend to do so you should pay more attention because some posts and going to be very witty and clever and some of them and going to be long and dragged out but i hope you enjoy them all.


now to move on to my last subject...
i have some AMAZING new friends and without them i would be wrapped up in a straight jacket in a loonie bin of some sorts.
so with that being said i would like to acknowledge morgan nelson, addy baird, daniel allenbach, jackson aubrey, and others.
I appreciate you so much because you all are amazing and i would be very disappointed in my high school years without you.
i love you all and hope you love me too :)


NEXT TIME I'LL BE BRAVER I'LL BE MY OWN SAVIOR,
madeline louise

so you know how people write amazing blog posts. well mine are never remarkable. i have so many classy things to write and or say but i do not know how to write them down... oh wait yes i do but im too lazy! 




have a good day!


KEEP CALM AND STAY CLASSY,
madeline

summer catch up.

dear whoever,

nothing much has happened recently. oh yes, emily graduated. it was a lot of fun and a very nice ceremony. we had awesome company and more to come. and i have been teaching swim lessons and swim team. other then that you have been caught up on my summer so far. 


I WANNA TAKE YOU FOR A RIDE A BIG JET PLANE,
madeline

pictures

so due to recent comments i have found out that some people like my artwork.. therefore i feel like i should post it for people to see.... 
with that being said i introduce to you the work of madeline luse:

enjoy.


I KNOW MY NAME AS IT'S CALLED AGAIN,
madeline 

*sigh*

Dear Today, 
 You were a very blah day.. why couldn't you be like yesterday or some other non blah day? well since you weren't i say this and only this to you... Try harder? now i say this with a question mark because i feel as though if i had put an exclamation point after it (being superstitious); the day today that i am speaking of reads this and decides to be really mean one day and make it the worst day ever? Yeah well i cant handle that right now.. my body would physically and emotionally BREAK DOWN! well with that being said/yelled i hope your day was far more exciting then mine.

SING SING A SONG, 
madeline luse

so yesterday i spent 3 hours making 2 different kinds of coffee cake for my church after mass was over.. but i didnt even get to serve them :( so i will bring them next sunday. 


well on a happier note; i am doing a project in photo and we have to make an "illusion" so i got a large bouncy ball and i am going to make a globe made out of trash then put a lovely bow made out of fishing line on top.. to symbolize how many things we kill by just being lazy and throwing away our trash or recycling.. and so far.. it looks really cool!


PUT DOWN THAT SCALPEL YOU DOCTOR ASSASSINS,
madeline

New Toms

Dear today,
   you have inspired me.. would you like to know why? well i cant tell you because i dont know. but in the course of the day i had the most wonderful plan; that i can tell you... I'm going to buy black toms then (with white paint) paint the Beatles Abbey Road picture across the front toes. then down the side write 'The Beatles '. Yes i think it is going to look genius....  


HOW DO YOU KISS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD WITHOUT GETTING MACED, 
madeline

death of a popcicle?

very exciting news.


very exciting news 1.) I got onto the Forkaster yes i know very exciting!!
2.) had a great time at the swim banquet.. got an award.. Flirty loud freshie #1
3.) will probably be working at the swim pool this summer as an aide
hmmm i think that is all i have to share for the time being. 


     But on another matter.. Wednesday in photo we had our picture of the day (which we have everyday) and the picture was this (see below)

interesting right? right. well one of the questions he asked was... 'What was the first thing you thought of when you saw this?' and i found it sad that the majority of the class describe it as a horror film.. You walk into the bathroom and find a dead body with blood all the over the place. i think that says a lot about the minds of the youth.. Look how easy it is to make a delicious cherry popcicles into a horror film! 


     When i first look at this picture i noticed that it was in a doll hose so maybe a little girl was called in from outside for some healthy snacks but in the hurry of things she dropped her rapidly melting popcicle in the doll house which is resting in the lawn underneath the warm sun and it was left to melt but not before it splattered walls as she ran inside to receive her celery and peanut butter. 


What has the world be reduced too?


YOU SHOT MY BABY DOWN,
madeline

Forkaster

So today i had an interview for my school newspaper. Is that a big deal you ask? oh yes it is. i am so excited i really hoped she liked me. She was so nice and we seemed to talk and communicate great. I shared all of my ideas for the newspaper and i projected myself greatly i thought.
Also who doesnt love the butterflies in your stomach when you see a very attractive guy. I do. They visit me every time i see him. which is every other day. awesome.

HERE ROLLS THE RIOT VAN,
madeline luse

school count down

33 days left of school ! !

hello and welcome to the day labeled as April 19, 2011. Today i encountered a migraine (oh how i despise them) it hurt so bad i called my mother to retrieve me from school. Probably a good idea since i had become fairly dizzy and extremely sensitive to light... yeah not so pleasant.

Have you ever had the feeling of bring down in the dumps, depressed, not groovy enough to want to do anything including being nice. i dont like the feeling. Well dont i sound like a UBER wimp.. yes yes i do.

well i hope you day has been lovelier than mine :)

Yes my love we are magicians,

miss madeline louise

Be Curious, Not judgmental. This is how i feel all human should respond to people and change.

                          

                         It is a real let down that approximately 1/3 of the world                                                 lives this way.